tantrum r back..i wanna cry so badly

i really wanna cry..but i couldnt
i wanna cry as its get rid of my sadness..
i fell unlike me

i was talking w koala..
due to i really need to talk
bored ..bored..bored..
dun exist chemisty..its just suck..arghhhh

devasted..sad..gloomy

im sad..sedih..
despite i know cuti is around the corner
i feel like going backpack..
huarghhhh..
i wanna cry so bad

was not allowed to go for the training..
am sad...

i know am a good person..so wat if i did that..am just a human being

i heard bad things about me ..
told by warden mate here..
sometimes it is so hard to please people..
when at camp u can tolerate those rigid stuff..
but when am at home..i need to hv my own space...
hear that old school people..arghhhhhh
life is hard indeed..

so where do i stand now..
hope to be for training..
to make myself much more a better person
to challenge myself..if i can face this torture..
i can face others..
this is just a beginning

i was so depress & complete sad
i rang wei & the comfortness that i got for him
(coz he the one available at the hour-TQ god!)even not 100% but it feel good..
wei ask me to sang the song of s-e-n-y-um..
i laugh..& its feel good inside..
there will be 10oo lousy people gonna make me sad but
all i need was one GREAT frenz to make me good as new

am not 100% satisfied..
but stuff happen..
hv to be very bery careful next time
its hard but i this is the route that ive choose..
no turning back..hv to overcome it..

to those f****** S******* people
go to ********

_________________
dun mess w this angelic tassie gal

its too late to turn back

i hope am able to conduct the stress
ive lots to write..but am so tired & the ideas seem to fade away..
ive load of pic to show..but seem so lazy..so do check out my f-l-i-c-k-r ya!
i miss home..i miss KL..but mum's word keep me in sanity

"no work..no money.."

no pain no gain..so..this is the challenges that ive to face with

things to do:
settle my stuff(lots & lots of them)
see my KJ & my pengetua to discuss about my leave
secure the work here & pack 4 the camping things
_______________________

hv u ever gave up w ur life?
hv u ever thinking of ending it up?
when u cant seem to handle the stress?
hv u ever thought of leaving everything & start a new one?
r u dare to take the risk?
hv u ever just wish that everything is all a bad dream?

i do..& when i did..i know am in stress..
____________________________

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

life is short..enjoy It every minute..huhuh

was at home & in KL since 16 February 07 & am really glad i am
after a month & 14 days not home(regardless of the 1 night trip dinner at place w cham)
im much ALIVE
Very Bery HAPPY!!!!!
(dinda told me that i look happy)-
which i feel..i know i am..
despite of lack of sleep..
running brain upon ideas..
morning walk..morning wake up..
am HAPPY..
hear all..am alive..am HAPPY..

so wat ive did that make me happy..alive..
well..
i was HOME..im in KL(gosh ive repeated it so many times)
I spent my weekend w my beloved people
Id manged to capture & pose..
& some shopping spree(again!)
i managed to get dress (3 in fact)-sexy..short..& me likey it!
managed to spend time wisely at KL-
take a ride upon eyes-on- msia(myr 15 was 0k..i enjoy it..some people might say biasa but people like me whos so gayat..would claim/PROUD that ive done that..& i simply lurve i managed to capture lots of it & thank god i went w unknown/stranger(others teacher) that can cope w my madness)
managed to go jog at taman-tasik-perdana
(its such a gorgeous place..i shall mark it also as my santuanary place)
& basically i really enjoy the tiring weeks in KL..
& i know tons of work r waiting for me when am camp...

lucky me!!!

all those monthly stress seem pay off

saturday

went window & a bit spree w cousie & twin

i bought myself a sport bra that cost me myr119
had yummylicious strawberry..
had sweetest bounty ever
bought babies stuff for imran..tasha..& a frenz new born
had c-h-i-l-i-es -instead of chicken we hv beef..

it was nice..the beef was soft & juicy but still i prefer the chicken version better
& we washed ourself down with free skyjuice & free refill of ice lemon tea..
huhuhuhu(i just lurve free refill)
the drink cost me myr7.95 per cup & its refillable..yeyeyeyyey
spend the whole day..window..spree(wisely)
& headed to i-ke-a for a cup of coffee(refillable) & window again

learn how to download things from cousie
back at twin house at 12
sleep..dvd..enjoy my bounty..
life is GREAT!


sunday

sleep..bounty..dvd..sleep..


monday

mum's home..at last
went jog due to the feelness of fat
went spree w dinda
bought

• (OMG>>>ive been looking for a pair o reliable shoes..& i found a comfy one..I SIMPLY LURVe it the moment i see it)
• a shawl

& managed to treat ourself at the d-o-ra-isa-my road
yeyeyeyyeye..
my life is a bless..
TQ GOD..alhamdulliah

im tired..& im in stress

it was madnest jam ever (coz lama tak encounter it coz lama tak balik)
i treat myself with a good spree at i-k-e-a ..
reward me..

• 4 pairs of earring (myr10)
• 4 bj from bran-d out-let-(myr36)
• eat fishy& chipy
  
• had the free flow of cofffe on which for the 1st time ever i didnt refill due to tiredness

& suprisingly me at home b4 12midnight..
this is due to the extreme tiredness that i faced the past weak

at home..the mirror prove that ive gaining weight
my arms look so huge
& those tummy things is hidious..arghhhh
extra layer..extra fat..
huarghhhh &i plan to jog in the evening
on which i didnt due to the needed sleep..

i in stress with my work
i think i been burn with unrequired work..
if not IVE to wORK..i think me would surrender..
arghhhh..

i hated to be in stress
i hated to feel fat
i hated jam
i hated when i in debt

on the lighter note..
yesterday i check/survey the price of a dslr price
& i dream of it yesterday...holding it..kissing it & even named it
..huhuhu..how ironic
& when i cleaning my room..i realize that ive so many bj..
its so hard being a gal to stop shop for baju..& earring

ive been looking for this earring..its hard to define..
but i know it when i see it..
so far up today i hvnt see & if i did..it would be selling at irreasonable price

• i wanna to but a gold earring
• a batu one
• glamouress one like the holly-wood actress r wearing

mmmmm..life really complicated isnt

i really hated it when i really need rest@ sleep..
brats knocking at door & disturb..
i was really mad & i couldnt continue sleeping
kau susahkan aku..aku susahkan kau balik
which i did..i went checking each block & halau people who intend not to go for prep

on the other hand..
i hated it when my makan things is becoming an issue..
i know my body limit lah & those who know me knows how i eat..
(NOW am know am fat..sbb its me who see it...am not that skiny going to die supermodel as i know my body wouldnt able to be that die skinny body-which i wanna really-

i just that i wanna to be in 45kg weight

as i could remember how i feel so good about myself last time..
IT is about self esteem..about liking urself..about giving urself stuff that make urself HAPPY..)

i lurve to eat..but ive to control freaking crave otherwise i can easily ballon up
& i just hated to become one.arghhhhh
people..society..they just suck

am really not in the mood as i been disturb from sleep
ive to work w lousy people..ive to work w brat..
i hvnt visit any huge mall..i hvnt really go back home

i really cant wait esok..
spending time w myself..only me
regaining myself..my happiness..

And to add salts to wound..ouchhh..but its a part of life

am totally forget that its the lovers day..
where all the lovey dovey stuff..love in the air day things ..
how old am getting..
how am so grown up..
& i just lurve h-i-t-z for its concern 4 those who r not in the mood of celebrating it..

to think back..how am so foolised back then..
gosh..all those excitement..the heart things..i was young..
& was so in lurve

& today i feel so empty..so awkward..so foolish..so forgetfullness..
the V things didnt leave any feeling to my heart as it used to in the past.
been there...taste..hear..feel all of those crappy stuff..
life goes on..
& i deserve to be happy isnt

i so wanna to lose weight..
i so wanna to skip for 1000 times wout being tired@ breathless..
i so wanna to be weight as 45kg
i so wanna to be in size 0
i so wanna to hv skinny arms..skinny leg..skinny thight..skinny me
y it is so hard..Y am so easily tired..
Y i so lack of stamina..Y i just wanna sleep & lazying around
gosh..i need to spank myself..need to torture myself..
gosh...i miss home..i miss mall..

broady really drive me mad..
it was up & down the past days..crappy services..lousy connection
am mad..am dissatisfied..
am wanna my fast lane broady

sign of pms

am super no mood..super hungry just now(ate my1st meal if the day at1pm)
am feel wanna strangle people..slam ..kick.arghhhhh
this is due to the sign of period..stress..puzzled..& adip..arghhhhh
arghhhhh..
my tummy is baggy..thight is big..
am look so hidious..not presentable..& im so teruk in my appearance today..

i really need;
CHOc..sweet stuff
choc cake..secre-t rec-eipie
i wanna dip myself in pool..
i wanna a FLAT tummy..
i wanna a massage
i wanna the world to stop for three hour so that i can sleep wout time passing by
i wanna burn 7 days calori
i wanna a dslr ..waiting for the moolah to grow
i wanna a vacation

if i can just stop the time..rearrange my hectic life..

my room is still a mess
baju need to basuh..
kain buruk need to be wash..
kena sidai..lipat ..hang..iron
need to mop..wipe..sweep the floor(both place)
clean my mess at the teacher's table..
class..exam..& the registration date..

i wish that i can zap things w my fingers to settle all the stuff
i just wish that time can stop so that i can have rest 1st to recover my strength & sanity..

its so tough to be a grown up..

am mentally challenge..how i wish its cuti

1. i think am gaining weight..am feeling the fat things..i think this is due to the FOC food..the nasi..lack of exercise..arghhhhhh..

2. ive started the "W" things & i did wonder Y on earth do i join it after a tiring day training..
i almost quit the 2nd day by not coming(coz of nak settlekan kerja)..but this is things that i mUSt do...already late to change anythings

3. i lack of motivation w the kids as things didnt go well as i wanna it to be..& i prefer the others batch..but wat to do..

4. i think i began to lose myself..my smile..my laugh...my uniquieness..i do miss home..miss mall..miss my time for myself...

when 2 married women..attached gal & ME hvg FUN!!

sanity & hope is all that i hv now to make me not jumping out of bridge

i was so bz & so in lurve w my house here that i didnt surf intensively for a a few days already
intensively means no surf..no reading & etc
didnt go back at room..dint wash baju kerja..
good news yesterday i bought new braties and a black pant
& i ate a lots..
when i meant i ate a lots..its a lots yeah!
i miss home..i miss mall..
i miss my own time..cant wait to cuti
& i really hope that in march my names will be called for this "W"things..
really keen forward for that

i slept like a log yesterday after prayer..
enough rest..thank you GOD
bring kids 2 this museum & back late 1 hour than plan..
there goes my jog time..arghhhhhh

eat so many..im full & rechargeable..thank you god
this nasi & this oily food..
..fat & oily..that Y i need to jog

wake up managed 2 do laundry..
drink coffee..take a proper bath
say a morning prayer..& blog..
class one only..then i plan 2 do work..& relax..

Laughter can Heal,Laughter can Kill..me & d kids

10 years from now they become the nation proud..w god will
i prefer this batch compare to the previous one(which i only handover)
2 mould..to guide..to shape..to lead..to set example..
gosh..i just lurve my job(even sometimes its suck big times..still am thankful )
"tugas ada lah amanah"